I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
