Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
