So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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