you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
