I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
