38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
