I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
