Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
