OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
