I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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