I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
