so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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