where am i from again
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
