I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your cock deserves a montage
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
