Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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