I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
