the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
