I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
