I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will pee on everything he values.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
