How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
