I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
