I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
