He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
