summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
