I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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