you would pick up someone in the library
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
