I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
