my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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