dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
