Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
