Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
