Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
