Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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