Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There are leaves in my underwear?
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