I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
