Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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