just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Randomize
