Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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