This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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