I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
