Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
