what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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