I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
