He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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