Porn is love you can see.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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