this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
