You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
