I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I am morally bankrupt
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
