I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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