It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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