Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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